I find beauty in all
the wrong places. In my paintings, a cigarette butt with fuchsia
lipstick kiss prints, or a soiled gingham tablecloth, can function
simultaneously as holy icon and ironic joke. In the work that I
do, I aspire to create the paradoxical, awkward, and enigmatic
quality of heartfelt poetry on a graffitied bathroom wall. Unwittingly
sitting there, gazing at the words scrawled through random layers
of crude, and sometimes, elegant visual meanderings, an epiphany
overtakes me. For an instant, I see the world as it really is:
gorgeous in contradiction and absurdity, funny in generic blather,
and authentic in poignant longing.
Of course, my conception of
validity and splendor is entirely subjective, based on my suburban
upbringing, my sense of humor, and my own tunnel-vision rebellion.
Although I prefer to hint at my opinions rather than dictate, to
tease rather than to rant, I intend my paintings to be provocative
statements to challenge conceptions of beauty, value, and truth.
As I work, my paintings constantly
generate new questions for me, and, as discoveries are made and truths
revealed, more questions arise, invalidating earlier judgments. I
allow myself to playfully harvest imagery from bourgeois forms of
adornment: wallpaper, textiles, tattoos, and graffiti, allowing narratives
to organically evolve. Whether heightened metaphor or harebrained
anecdote, I craft my visual narratives with the cheapest, tackiest,
and silliest ornamental nothings I can find, partly because I believe
these ideas are culturally biased and, in part, because they are
my birthright.
The formal questions that torture
and delight me center on the unique range of marks the viscous media
of paint affords me, and the awkward juxtaposition of linear drawing
with it. I work in layer after layer, building up a surface, erasing
past verdicts, and then looking back on buried decisions with nostalgia.
Unselfconscious and hastily made marks intrigue me the most, but
must compete with contrasting ordered systems for an argument to
be raised on the canvas.
What do I want? Who do I love?
How much is too much? How much can I stand to lose? The universal
questions, for me, are the most personal, and, the more bewildering
the answers to these questions, the more gratifying the search.
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